The Sachin Conundrum

When is a good time to talk about Sachin Tendulkar? Any time in the last 23 years. So lets talk Sachin.

I can already hear the voices in your head. Another puny blogger trying to write the customary "Sachin: The God of cricket" tribute piece, trying to show that he has arrived? Or trying to sell himself as a thinking writer by picturing him as the root all evil, as a symbol of consumerist India? If I can express myself well enough though  then this blog should not fall into either category, and no I am not trying to be a smart ass by saying I will try to take the middle path, show the bigger picture. This is just an attempt to look back at the Sachin I have known through the years. It has been a long marriage which has lasted 23 years and still going strong. It has seen some awesome and some rough times <insert roller coaster ride cliché>. There was the honeymoon period when the young Sachin arrived. A look at him and you knew this was a virgin. He gave us batting orgasms every time he walked in. Every other country looked at him with wishful eyes, hoping he was their own and you would feel proud everytime just to think he can never be their's. Truly world's envy, India's pride. In the word's of Kung Fu Panda, "Never before in the history of Kung Fu a man was so loved, and so feared".

So often when we are talking about Sachin, we are not really talking about Sachin the human. No, not Sachin the God either. A critique on Sachin is essentially a critique on the Sachin phenomenon. I am conscious of this fact while writing this, and normally a criticism of Sachin here will be a criticism of Sachin the phenomenon and not Sachin the person.

A Hero is born.

The time is late 90s. India is coming off age. Well at least the middle class is. We have satellite TV channels beaming 24 hour entertainment to millions. And there is a desperate need for a hero. But who can this hero be? For batman fans, "A hero we don't deserve yet, but need desperately". Although we definitely are on the rise as a nation, we are hardly standing on our feet yet. We are not the best at anything. Except - We have the best batsman in the world. There shouldn't be any doubt about this. He is the best batsman ever, period. Anyone trying to argue on that doesn't know shit about batting and cricket. Even Don Bradman agrees that Sachin is the only batsman who plays like him. Thousands of newspaper pages are dedicated to singing his praise, hours and hours of television programming to celebrate his greatness. All of this Sachin totally deserved. A middle class boy from Mumbai with immense talent but who has also worked extremely hard to reach where he is. Sunil Gavaskar could have been that hero too, but he played at a time when the junta were more worried about Roti, Kapda, Makaan than sporting icons. Sachin arrived just at the perfect time. At the fag end of the milleniom the news media is now learning to delve into borderline absurd. I can't recall how many times the news channels repeated the line about Sachin coming in Shane Warne's dream. Yes, Warne had said this just in a manner of speaking while giving an interview and he later clarified that it wasn't as if Sachin was actually giving him nightmares. But our news channels picked it up verbatim and repeated it a zillion times till it became permanent in the brain of every Indian cricket fan.

The moment of truth.

The time is early 2000s. Sachin is the only person in the country who is beyond questioning in media. You can criticize beliefs, practices, leaders, businessmen, sportsman, anyone you want, but criticizing Sachin is committing hare-kiri for a news channel. That seems fair too. Sachin has been the best cricketer in the world for a long time and he seems totally immune to any corrupt influences that may him sway him into anything controversial. Some one took a plunge then it seems. I don't know when it began. But a guess would be the Ferrari car incidence. He may have been criticized before, but that was the first time I saw the collective voice of many news channels speaking against Sachin. It was totally and utterly absurd. Heck I even saw Sachin effigies burnt on news channel. Some people rallying on the road with a katora to collect money for Sachin to pay the customs duty, yes a hindi news channel showed this on TV. The Fiat people came in and paid the customs to stop things from getting ugly. But the dam was already broken. One of India's first Peepli Live was played on news channels for days. The media had realized that a criticism of Sachin can work too, probably work even better than unending praise which the people were bored of anyhow.

The Present.

Yes that's a long jump in the timeline, but I know you don't have the patience for a history lesson and there is not a thing about the Sachin story that you the reader of even this obscure cricket blog don't know yet. Sachin has dominated the game for 20 years. No sportsman, heck no individual has been at the top of his business consistently for so long. Even Steve Jobs had a nearly bankrupt Apple and a failed Next on his way. Many greats rise and fall. Sachin the batsman could only rise. Breaking records for him has become absurd now. I dearly wish the media could stop harping about some of the pseudo records that Sachin has made and is on the verge of making. But how can they, even now a piece on Sachin sells better than most other things. Apart from praising Sachin, people now openly criticize him as well. A middle class which mostly celebrates capitalism and corporate greed has been accusing Sachin of being selfish. The fans and devotees will still call it just Sachin's hunger. Well it may be hunger or greed, but is it really Sachin's fault? Haven't we all collectively pushed him to be this hungry? Most fans want him to score a hundred even if India loses. There are brands whose quarterly results may be a function of how many hundreds Sachin is scoring. 

So, is Sachin bigger than cricket then in this country? You Bet. Our chief selector openly declared that this man can play ODIs for as long as he wants while at the same time easily suggesting Laxman to walk away from test cricket. A man who dares to drop Sachin from the team would need Z+ security the very next day. Of course Sachin can choose when he wants to retire. He can also choose which series he wants to play and what number he wants to bat. Always No. 1 in ODIs and No. 4 in tests irrespective of any calamities that may happen. Is it justified? Probably is. He just wants to stand up and be counted for as long as possible and you can't blame him for that. It's not his job to walk away from something he loves so much and something that has given him greatness and immortality. We have all helped creating the legend. He is and he will be the Sachin Tendulkar. Just continue to bow down and watch until some day when he decides to give you a final bow and bids a final Good Bye. Will he do it as he nears 40? Did the Mayans predict anything for 2012? I hope not...

Any piece on Sachin may get a reaction from the Internet Sachin Militia. If you hate this, kindly refrain from trying to hunt and kill the writer or destroy the server on which this page is hosted. The thoughts are solely of the author and cricketbakchod.com doesn't subscribe to them in part or in total. Any hate messages can be left as comments or sent to rajesh@cricketbakchod.com

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Tennis and Me

The post is inspired by this brillaint piece from Sidvee

Doordarshan used to give us live Wimbledon tennis in the 90s and every kid had to choose a favorite. In the early 90s, kids my age (around 8 - 10 years) would know only 2 - 3 ladies who play tennis. Among them Monica Seles used to wear a skirt while playing and Steffi Graf used to wear shorts. It was a simple enough formula for me then, skirts > shorts implies root for Seles. Shortly after taking the decision to support her, she got stabbed by a Steffi fan and I continued to hate her for many years (until she got married to Andre). During that time I would support anyone who would challenge Steffi. So from Arantxa Sanchez to Martina Hingis, anyone who could beat Graf would be my favorite. A few years on, something happened to the women's game, first with ladies like Lindsay Davenport and Amelie Mouresmo and then the Williams sister. The finesse of the ladies game gave way to brute strength and I have lost all interest in the ladies game even till today.

In the Men's game, again the choice in early 90s was simple. Agassi with his denim shorts and flowing hair was the closest to the Bollywood heroes I used to worship then, so rooting for him came naturally. Then Sampras entered. There was something about his demeanor which captured me. By then I was slightly older (14 - 15 perhaps) and had developing my own personality. I too had started fancying myself as a calm, quiet, no-nonsense stoic (in short Deewar's Amitabh Bachhan) by then and I saw Sampras as a perfect embodiment of those values. Him breaking down in that Australian open match against Courier after someone in the crowd said, "Win it for your coach" is among my favorite moments in all of sport. Jim came up to him in all sincerity and offered to finish it the next day. Pete for whatever reason didn't like his offer and finished the game with booming aces while his eyes were filled with tears. The incident made me a lifelong Pete fan though I still liked Agassi.

When Pete's era was ending, I wasn't so sure about whom to support for some time. Safin's rage on the court, his Safinettes off the court and again probably my age and mental state at that time made him a good candidate. But then he turned out to be too erratic and refused to grow up while I had. Then Federer grabbed my attention as someone from the Martina Hingis country. After him winning the Wimbledon, it was an easy passing of the batton from Sampras to Federer which continued for some years. Until all the talk of him being the greatest player of all time started doing the rounds and for some reason it appeared to me that Federer had started thinking of himself as someone bigger than the game. They probably used to talk about Sampras also in the same way but I was too young or there wasn't any internet in those days to drive me sick of all the hype. During the same period, all the talk of Tendulkar being the greatest of all time had started drawing me away to an unassuming guy in Rahul Dravid who was consistently delivering the results. But who would be my Rahul Dravid of Tennis? Far too early in Federer's career he had started talking about the 15 grand slams landmark. His frustrations and "It's killing me" tears when he was stuck at 13 were akin to Sachin's in the recent hundred 100s hoopla where the purpose of playing every game was to get Sachin closer to that magical (and somewhat imaginary) landmark. Him putting on that shirt with the number "15" on the back after eventually getting there after beating Roddick in an epic final proved to everyone that the number meant more to him than it probably should. Federer is still the greatest exponent of his game to me just like Sachin and I love watching both Sachin and Federer in full flow to enjoy their sheer cratsmanship, their poetry in motion. Its almost as if both these men were designed by Gods to play their respective games. Anyhow, I digressed a little. Lets rewind a bit to the age when I was still searching for my Rahul Dravid of tennis. People like Roddick, Nalbandian, Hewitt had made it clear to me very early that they went into games against Federer as his fans, almost resigned to their fate of eventually losing to him. Enter Rafa. The warrior. The one who chased every ball like Hewitt but only with twice the speed. He would run half the length of court to celebrate a crucial point with a big "Vamos" cry. Tennis had not seen anything like him. Probably he was sent by Gods again just to prove to the mankind that every superman has his Kryptonite. For me Rafa is first and foremost a saviour. He saved me from an era of tennis where nothing seemed interesting as the game had stopped being competitive. Its great to look at the poetry of Federer's play but sports is not about artistry. Sports is Art meets War. You play hard, you play ugly, but you play fair and you play to win. Rafa epitomizes all of that. He like Dravid became not just my inspiration in sport, but inspiration in life. As someone who always lacked the natural talent for anything but was prepared to fight it out, these were the two individuals I look up to for inspiration when I was down.

Now the Fedtards or the Internet Sachin militia might want to have a go at me for my honest opinions above. So, in the spirit of my heroes that I just talked about, I only have this to tell you: "Bring it on".

- rajesh@cricketbakchod.com 

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Sachin Speaks: Applying cricketing wisdom to 10 political Issues

CricketBakchods(CB) finally caught hold of Sachin inside the Parliament restroom and he couldn't say no to us (We all know about the legendary male bonding inside a restroom). Here goes his exclusive message on politics and politicians for our super exclusive news bulletin CB-Live. 

Over to SRT:

CB wonders if SRT is visiting Viru's hair therapist?

Here is my message for UPA and friends:
1. Depending on Mamta Banerjee is a bit like depending on Ashish Nehra. At crunch moments, they both tend to forget whether they are in your team or the opposition.

2. Kapil Sibbal's zero sum Mathematics makes as much sense as the Duckworth Lewis system.

3. Still on Kapil Sibbal. Expecting him to do justice to both HRD and Telecomm ministry is like expecting your wicket keeper to also bowl 8 overs in a one day game.

4. Manmohan Singh is well, your Sachin Tendulkar. He is your star performer. You make him the captain and you loose one of your biggest assets.

5. And finally, you never take a club cricketer and make him the test captain. Rahul Gandhi should do a lot more than his half yearly rounds of Amethi before he can be your Prime Minister.

And now my message to NDA and friends:
1. Narendra Modi is going the Saurav Ganguly way, you either make him the captain or he is going to take the team down with him.

2. Expecting Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev to get you back to power in 2014 is like expecting your coach to make a hundred in an important final.

3. Don't bank on Narendra Modi to win you 2014 elections single handedly. RCB made the same mistake in IPL by banking totally on Chris Gayle. To win, your whole team should be organized.

4. Expecting Advani to retire is a bit like expecting me to retire. He is your only leader with nationwide appeal. He may not be your next captain but he is still your best batsman. Play him at number 3 on tricky pitches.

5. Nitish Kumar is your rising star but he is still playing Ranji Trophy in Bihar. He can win you the whole of North India if you get him in the national Team. He should be your captain/vice captain and opener.

And finally my only message to everyone else, "Scratch where it itches, I always do."

CB:
Wow. we did it. In your face all you news channels.... Signing off. dekhte rahiye CB-Live.

- rajesh@cricketbakchod.com 

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Team India: Captaincy and Season preview

IPL is close to getting over and this is a good time to start thinking about the one team that really matters: The Indian Cricket Team.

Team needs changes and it must start at the top. No one should have any doubts about Dhoni's credentials as a captain; he is one of the greatest we have ever seen. Not a great tactician by any means, probably his greatest strength was not allowing success or failure get to his head in these times of intense media scrutiny. But no one can be or should be a captain forever. Starting from Ganguly's reign in the aftermath of matchfixing controversy, we have been lucky to have great captains who were just the right guys to lead the team during their respective eras. There are strong indications that Dhoni is no more the best guy to lead us. He carries a jaded look on tours these days. His body has been bruised, his mind routinely overclocked. One of the biggest reasons for our recent overseas loses was the lack of leadership. Back home Dhoni is way more relaxed and back in his elements. He would do well to step down at this time and focus on his role as a wicket keeper batsman. For the next World Cup, we need our best finisher ever to be in top shape. Dhoni should also work harder on reinventing himself as a test batsman, something he might be able to do once relieved of the burden of captaincy.

The choice for our next captain was always obvious; IPL has now made it a no-brainer. Gautam Gambhir has been a revelation. He relishes captaincy and is a certainty for India in all 3 formats of the game. He has the right mix of patience and aggression, a big match temperament, always backs and supports his players. Virat Kohli should continue to be his deputy.

A few other things on my wishlist for the next one year:

Che Pujara and Rahane should cement a place in the test squad.

Umesh Yadav to lead the pace attack in all 3 forms, Zaheer Khan's fitness can't be relied upon.

A closure on Rohit Sharma's case (whether he really has the temperament to play for India). He is that guy whom everyone wants to love but he keeps giving reasons to hate him.

Sachin Tendulkar deserves to get picked in the team as long as he continues to be in form. One thing that we can't allow him to do is to skip every other tour. Cricketers do need rest, and its fine to opt out of the occasional tours. But playing around 30 - 40 percent of the games hurts stability and balance of the team.

And before we go, a prediction for tonight's game, KKR will win this. They have been the best team of the competition despite finishing second in the table. I know Srini uncle might be trying everything in his power but if needed, trust 'The Don SRK' to pull off another incredible heist and do a double whammy on Srini uncle by buying some Chennai players and turning them against their own boss.

- rajesh@cricketbakchod.com 

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